The Heart in It All
by flightlessbird1992
Summary: A little love story that chronicles the romance between Cullen and Lavellan and the trials they face.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **_I have written a lot of things but this is the first time that I have had the courage to post. This story is based on my first playthrough of Dragon Age Inquisition. I will follow the canon of the main story pretty much, but I'll be changing some dialogue here and there. This will be a story about Cullen and Lavellan, focusing more on their relationship and their internal thoughts. I will also dabble with Lavellan's friendships with her companions, especially Dorian eventually because he's just so awesome. Eventually there will be sexytimes, so that's why it's rated "M". I hope you enjoy my little story._

I don't own Dragon Age, unfortunately.

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**Chapter 1**

There was an unbearable pounding in her head. Her right hand was tingling with pain. It wasn't overpowering but certainly noticeable. She could hear voices outside. There was a fire in the hearth and while it provided adequate warmth, she still felt cold. She sat up and the world tilted. She took several deep breaths and tried to calm herself. With moving into a sitting position she now felt her entire body aching.

_You can sit here Nadia or you can get up and figure out what the hell is going on._

She swung her legs over the bed and started to get dressed in her light armor that was sitting on a chair near the fire. They were clean so someone had taken the time to wipe the blood and dirt off. She brushed her long brown hair with a brush laying on the nightstand and put her hair in a traditional practical ponytail. She looked in the mirror and noticed she had a light scar above her left eyebrow that wasn't there before.

She took a deep breath again and looked in the mirror. Her vallaslin markings seemed to glow a light purple on her tanned face. The scar that now was present crossed through the markings that covered the top half of her forehead. Her markings were more subtle than most of the Dalish. The lines floated around her eyes, like branches on a tree. What marked her face even more were the dark circles under her eyes.

She still couldn't believe it. How did she survive, when all those poor people were incinerated into ash? She could still see flashes of green and being pushed back and remembered loud shouting of unknown voices. She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to calm the pounding in her head. A squeak and light breaking of glass startled in her back into life.

"Your worship! You're up, I'm so sorry I startled you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," the little elf said. The girl was shorter and slighter than Nadia, which made her seem like a wisp of a girl. She dropped to her knees.

"Don't worry girl, I was already up. Why are you calling me your worship?" she asked.

"Your worship, you are the Herald of Andraste. You came out of the breach and stopped the chaos. Everyone is in you debt."

"The Herald of Andraste? That's just so...ridiculous. Absurd."

"But it's not your worship! You have been marked, you can protect us!" the elf said reverently.

Tying to understand the girl she asked, "What is your name miss?"

"Lydia, your worship."

"And just where exactly am I Lydia?"

"Haven, your worship. The town that abuts the Temple of Sacred Ashes. I'm sorry your worship, I was supposed to tell you that Lady Cassandra asks that you come to the Chantry building, the farthest room at the back of the cathedral."

She sighed. "Thank you Lydia."

She started walking towards the door. "Your worship?" Lydia asked. "I just wanted to say...how much it means to us, to us elves I mean, that you were able to stop the breach. You are such an inspiration to us." She smiled and started to pick up the tray she dropped.

She didn't know what to say. Her stomach churned. Confusion set in.

_How could they look up to me?_

She barely knew any other elves outside the Lavellan clan. She was twenty-three years old and still was practically a child in her clan's eyes. She started walking out the door, into the cold Haven air, and pulled her coat tighter against the bitter wind.

As she walked along the path, people came out of the houses and those that were already outside turned to look at her. She heard some of their whispers, of "herald", "savior", and "Andraste." She tried not to look at them. She started walking towards the Chantry building. It was clearly the most recognizable building, as the highest point in Haven. She walked with trepidation, wondering what Cassandra wanted. She helped stop the breach. While there was still a giant hole in the sky, she stopped the demons from coming through. Clearly it showed she wasn't behind the destruction of the Conclave?

She could hear raised voices in the room, Cassandra's and another man's.

_Hear goes nothing._

"YOU!" said Chancellor Roderick. The man still was not fond of her. "Guards, arrest her. She is to be held at trial in Val Royeaux."

"Stand down. And leave please" said Cassandra in her determined voice. They left and closed the doors immediately.

"Seeker, you can't be serious. This girl must answer. There needs to be justice."

"There will be justice Chancellor Roderick. I swear to you. We will find the person or people responsible for this destruction. But it is not her." Cassandra looked at Nadia with her stern brown eyes.

"This is madness!" Chancellor Roderick roared. "And your plan Seeker is outrageous. The Chantry will not support the Inquisition. Never." He left the room and slammed the door.

"Well that went pretty much how I expected it to go," sighed Cassandra.

"What is the Inquisition?" Nadia asked. "Also, does this mean I'm no longer a prisoner?"

Cassandra went to the bookshelf behind her and grabbed a worn but clearly maintained book and set it on the table. The doors behind her opened, and in walked Sister Leliana and a dark-haired pretty woman in yellow silk. Behind her, Commander Cullen's imposing figure stood and closed the door. They walked to the other side of the table.

"Herald, Sister Leliana and Commander Cullen you have met before."

"It's good to see you up and about Herald, we were worried," said Leliana. She smiled at her. While her voice was soft and light, she seemed like a woman to never cross.

"Leliana was the Divine's Left Hand, Herald. She is our Spymaster."

"Subtle, Cassandra," Leliana sighed.

"This is Josephine Montilyet of Antiva, our Ambassador for the Inquisition."

"Pleased to meet you Herald. We were scared you might not wake up. Solas did say it would probably take you a couple of days."

"Days? Just how long have I been out?"

"Three days actually Herald. I'm glad you're okay," said Commander Cullen.

"Herald, Commander Cullen is in charge of the Inquisition's forces." He smiled lightly at her. There was a scar on his upper lip. While he was an imposing figure in his armor and grand coat, he made her feel relaxed. His hair was bright blonde and his eyes were a warm light brown. He was the most handsome human she had ever seen. Leliana coughed lightly.

_Shit. I had just been ogling him._ She could feel her face blush and she looked down.

Trying to get herself together, "So what is the Inquisition?"

Cassandra laid her hand on the book before her. "This is the writ by Divine Justinia, granting us the right to form the Inquisition. The Inquisition of old was set in place when the world was in chaos long ago. It was the back up plan the Divine had in place in case the Conclave did not work. We will never know now if the Conclave would have produced results. So as the Right Hand and Leliana the Left, we invoke the Inquisition of new."

"But what is the Inquisition supposed to do exactly?"

"We will try to put Thedas back together essentially," said Josephine. "As Ambassador of the Inquisition, I will reach out to rulers and nobility that will be favorable to us. We need to gain as much backing as possible if we want to be a force to be reckoned with. Without the Chantry's support, it will be tough, but I think we can manage."

"I will be working to gather information and agents that can prove useful to the Inquisition," said Leliana. "Information will be essential to figure out who is behind the destruction of the Conclave so we can be ready to act."

"And I will make sure our forces are able to meet the threat of the people responsible for this destruction" said Commander Cullen. "Our forces will also be deployed to areas all across Thedas to gather supplies and to protect those people that are being threatened by the open rifts caused by the Breach."

"And you will be the rallying point," Cassandra said.

"Lady Cassandra," she said as calmly as she could. "I don't know what you want me to do. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell happened at the Conclave. I was there as spy for my clan, to just see what would the Divine planned on doing to stop the fighting. I never meant to get sucked into this."

"I know that. I know you aren't responsible. And while you never meant for anything of this to happen, it did. I know you might be skeptical, but people see you as the Herald. They believe that Andraste saved you and you walked out of the rift. And while there are many that see you as the Herald, there are many that see you as a threat. And they will not hesitate to kill you. I will not forcibly keep you here. You are not a prisoner. But there are rifts all over Thedas now. Only you have the power to close them. There are people that need your help."

She looked down at her hand. It sparked green and then dimmed. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. In her mind, the only things she could see were the burnt bodies of the people at the Temple of the Sacred Ashes, stuck with looks of agony and pain still on their faces. She looked up.

"What must I do?"

"There is a woman named Mother Giselle. She is helping the people of the Hinterlands. The fighting between the Mages and Templars has grown in that part of Thedas. She has sent word however that she would like to meet you. While the Chantry is not going to be on our side, for now at least, we need to hear what she has to say," said Leliana.

"Okay," Nadia said. "When do we leave?"

"We have planned on leaving in three days. Gives you some time to recover still and get your bearings" Cassandra said. She smiled at me, or what I would call a smile for her. "Varric, Solas, and I will go with you."

"Alright. Thanks." She turned swiftly and left the room. She walked fast out the Chantry doors and kept walking.

* * *

She was swinging her legs sitting on the wooden boardwalk, looking out on the frozen lake. It was all so overwhelming. She felt like screaming. Lydia's comment kept running through her mind.

_You are such an inspiration to us. Me. It's laughable._

Nadia was good with her daggers and she was a capable rogue. But she wasn't a warrior, a leader, a "Herald." She shivered. She hated feeling so fucking cold all the time.

"I was wondering where you went off to." She jumped and looked around. The Commander was standing close; she was amazed she didn't hear him. He had at least a hundred pounds or more on her and with all that armor she was still surprised when she heard his voice.

"Commander, you startled me. I didn't hear you."

To her surprise he came next to her and bent down to sit down. His large limbs hung next to hers. He was so much larger then Nadia, but he didn't scare her.

"While I may not be a rogue like you, I've learned how to walk quietly." He leaned back on his arms and looked out towards the frozen lake. His hand was resting close to hers. She had the insane desire to touch it.

"Are you okay? Really?" He looked down at her. His eyes were so soft, tender almost. She turned away before she embarrassed herself again.

"I feel numb. But I also feel like screaming. It just seems so insane. Me. A Dalish elf. The Herald of Andraste, it doesn't make any sense. And all these people that depend on me. They look at me like I can fix everything, like Lydia."

"Who's Lydia?"

"She is a servant elf girl that I met this morning. She said that I was an inspiration to her, to other elves I mean."

"Well you are. You're people have been on the wrong side of the sword for so long now, for reasons that are unjust. A strong person like you is just what they need."

She felt warm all over from his words. "I've never heard a human speak about the elves like that. I mean not that I have met that many humans in my lifetime. But the ones I did weren't that found of us."

"I've met a lot of elves, City-elves and even a few Dalish. While every species has their bad ones, I admire the resilience of elves to have survived so much."

"Thank you Commander." His words were comforting. His voice was so calming, making her feel okay for the first time.

"Your welcome Herald."

Nadia said it before she could stop herself. "Please, please just call me Nadia," she said shyly. She looked up at him to see his reaction. "I just...I just need to be reminded that I'm still her, still Nadia. Not just some Herald."

He smiled at her. The scar above his lip was so tantalizing. She wanted to kiss it. Nadia had never had these urges before, for an elf or human.

"Then call me Cullen, Nadia."

She smiled, a true smile.

"I must get back to some reports, but I'll be near the front gate if you need anything." He got up and he lightly touched her shoulder and walked away. She stared out across the lake. She couldn't stop smiling. While she had multiple layers of clothing on, her shoulder felt like it had been burned in the best way.

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_So there you have it. I have a few chapters written that just need to be edited. I'm in law school and unfortunately for me, I start school next week. UGH. I will try to have timely updates however because this story will probably keep me sane this semester. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** _Just a short chapter today. Also, __I will definitely write the bumbling/nervous Cullen that we all so love, but he has clearly experienced a lot in life. The way I will write him he will have had experiences with women and just a tad bit more confidence in himself around the Inquisitor. _

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**Chapter 2 **

He was in so much trouble. So much trouble. He kept picturing her face, her smile, the way the cold wind blew the hair around her neck. The way she just looked at him. He laid in bed with the window of his small house open. While he should have closed it to keep the heat from the fire in, thinking of Nadia made him feel warm and hot and not necessarily in a temperature way. He chastised himself.

_She's too young for you. She's probably early twenties at the most. You're an old thirty-two year old man compared to her._

She screamed innocence. It was impossible to get her off his mind. When he heard that she had woken up, he was surprised at the feeling of relief it invoked inside him. He had barely spoken two words to her at the time other than meeting her when she was heading up the mountain to try and close the breach. But she called to him. Even now when he imagined her lying down in her own bed sleeping, he wanted to walk in and cover himself with her and breathe her scent in and damn it.

He looked down to see an unfortunate problem. Taking care of it while thinking of her was not an option. If he let himself that indulgence, he probably wouldn't be able to look at her.

And he so enjoyed looking at her. Tomorrow she was off to the Hinterlands with no set day for coming back. Over the past two days, he managed to talk to her a few times when she passed by him to ask Cassandra a question or to go to the smith to work on her new armor. He hoped that she walked by so frequently because she wanted to maybe talk to him.

They were able to briefly get to know a little bit more about each other. Aside from his personal feelings, he was curious about the Herald and what kind of person she could be for the Inquisition. She asked about the Templars but he wasn't really in a place to talk about that time. Not with her, not yet at least. He wanted her to admire him, to like him, not fear or be disgusted by his past actions. He realized sleep wasn't going to come soon tonight. He lit the candles next to his bed and took his Chantry book, marked with his favorite hymns and verses and tried to clear his mind of the beautiful rogue.

* * *

He woke up early and breakfasted quickly to make sure he saw Nadia before she left. He started walking towards the Chantry, reading the reports in his hands and not paying much attention. He turned quickly to go up the stairs when he ran into a small body. A sweet vanilla scent filled his nose, one he had been dreaming about last night.

"Nadia, I mean, Herald, I mean...I'm so sorry, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." He was so flustered and making a fool of himself. He felt like this was his natural state around her.

"Cullen" she said. "Don't worry, I wasn't really paying attention either. I have a lot on my mind about this trip."

She was suited in her rogue armor, soft brown leather with silver trimmings. She had two daggers slung on her back and leather gloves on. While she was barely over a hundred pounds she looked fearsome in her armor and weapons. He knew she was a capable fighter, but yet looking at her at now he just wanted to take her back into his house and keep her safe.

"I'm sure you will be fine Nadia. Just stay on your toes."

"Well I'm not really worried about the fighting. I more worried about...I mean…I'm Dalish, we really have stayed in the Free Marches and I've never been out of that area until now. I just don't really know if I'm capable…ahhh. Sorry, I feel like every time I'm talking to you I'm complaining."

"I think of all the people here you have a right to complain a little."

She giggled. She had dimples on her cheeks when she smiled. They were adorable. _God I'm in so much fucking trouble._

"Well don't have too much fun without me Cullen. Varric was talking about taking you to get "sloshed" when we get back, or that's how he put it."

He laughed. "He's always trying to put me in situations I rather not be in."

She got quiet and looked down at her feet. She looked back up me in that shy smile that complemented her so well.

"Well, I best get going. They are waiting for me outside the gate." She looked at me with those striking green eyes and started to turn away. Before he could stop himself, he grabbed her wrist. She turned back to him.

"Please be careful", he whispered. He moved his hand down her arm and lightly grasped her fingers and before he got the urge to grab her and never let her leave his sight he turned away and headed for the war room.

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_I hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend. And if you live somewhere where it's warm or near a beach, on behalf of all the cold Midwesterners in the States, we hate you. Reviews are appreciated. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** _While my chapters tend to be on the shorter side, I feel like they go along with the natural breaks in the story. But since they are shorter, hopefully that means I will update quicker. _

_I don't own Dragon Age, Bioware does._

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**Chapter 3**

They had been in the Hinterlands for almost three weeks. As nervous as she was to head out to a land that was completely unknown, the area was beautiful. They camped near an old spire, which was half crumbled near the base of a rocky hill. After they cleared up the last rift in the area tomorrow, they would head back to Haven. She was looking forward to her warm bed and not always feeling like she had to sleep with her armor on. She was able to get to know Varric, Solas, and Cassandra better with the time she spent with them. Varric was hilarious and full of great stories. He promised to give her autograph copies of _Hard in Hightown_ the moment they got back to Haven.

While Cassandra always seemed annoyed with Varric and for a while Nadia thought she truly didn't like him, her demeanor was never sinister or hurtful. She caught Cassandra more than once with a small smile on her face when Varric was telling one of his epic tales. Solas was a different subject. While she tried to understand more about him and his knowledge of the Fade, it confused her. As much as she tried to understand him and as much as she wanted to connect to another elf, they seemed miles a part. When she tried to talk about the Dalish and how to better other elves they met on the road, Solas seemed annoyed and almost patronizing with his comments. She decided to leave the topic alone and just try to get to know more about him with out touching topics that left both frustrated.

The Commander floated through her mind more than she would like to admit to herself. She kept replaying the last time she saw him and the feeling of his hand with hers.

She knew little about men. She had never had a physical relationship with another elf, let alone a human. Not that there weren't opportunities back home. There was more than one other male in her clan who was interested, but she never reciprocated. No one called out to her, to her body or her mind like the Commander did in the few short moments she spent in his presence. Her father had had enough of her dithering. She knew he was close to arranging a marriage. Her spying on the Conclave was her last moment of freedom before she was to be given away. She had written to her family the following day after she woke up after the closing of the rift. While she knew the mail was going to be slow to reach her on the road, she thought by now she would have heard a word from them. It worried her.

"Ready to be back in Haven, Tiny? I know I sure will be. While the Hinterlands isn't necessarily a bad place to camp at, my ass is killing from sleeping on this ground so long." Varric had started to call her "Tiny" on account of her small stature, almost forgetting that she had at least a foot on him height-wise. Varric stretched his arms above his head as he walked out of his tent. It was early, the sun barely poking its' head out from the horizon. She had been unable to stay asleep, with dreams of demons and screams haunting her thoughts, she ended up eating some bread and watching the embers of the fire burn as dawn arrived.

"Yes I am Varric. I like it here. It's peaceful, even with the bandits, Templars, and apostates all running about. But yes, I'm ready to go back to Haven. Even only being there a couple of days, it already started to feel like home."

"Yah, I know what you mean kid. I'm planning an epic party when we get back."

"O, really? So I'm invited?"

"Of course! There would be no party without the Herald of Andraste. Plus, there isn't like there are a whole lot of people in Haven. I need to at least fill up the tavern. I know I can probably get Josie and Leliana there. I'll drag Cassandra out myself if I have to. Solas claims he's above it but I know he'll be there. And Curly, well he'll go anywhere you will be at."

"And what exactly does that mean?"

"O come on Tiny. I know I've only known you for a short while, but I had my eyes open before we left."

She felt her face starting to get red. _Had I been that obvious of my infatuation?_ She wanted to bury her head in the ground.

"I don't know what you are talking about," she mumbled.

"Yah, yah okay kid. Whatever you say." He paused. "But on a more serious note, there is a cave next to that rift we are hitting today, I think there is a red lyrium deposit in there. If we have a chance, I would like to go in there and destroy it if we could."

"Of course Varric."

"Thanks kid."

She hesitated before she spoke. She had asked Varric a little about red lyrium, but he seemed extremely hesitant to really discuss it fully.

"Varric, I am curious. What does red lyrium actually do? Is it like normal lyrium? Like the Templars take but more powerful?"

He looked at her over the fire. He shook his head. Looking at him now, he seemed so much older. Like time had punched him in the gut.

"It's…powerful. I wouldn't say more powerful than regular lyrium but it definitely produces something that normal lyrium doesn't."

"So, you really don't know where it came from, or at least how it came about?"

He shook his head. "I wish I did kid. But I brought it out, so as long as it's around and I'm around, I'll do everything in my power to destroy every last bit of it."

"You're a good man Varric."

He threw is head back and laughed. "O kid, I can't wait for my party. I'm gonna get you so drunk, you're gonna hate me for weeks."

"I don't think that's possible, but you can try."

"Whatever you say Tiny. Just wait, I'm gonna get you and Curly drunk so you can just get all that pent up energy out."

She felt like her face was on fire from blushing.

"O don't be ashamed kid. Curly's a handsome man. I get it. Tall, blonde, jaw that could cut glass, etc."

"Are you sure you don't want to end up in his bed Varric?"

"O feisty. I like feisty Tiny. I'm just messing with you kid. But hey, not gonna lie, you spent three days in Haven, three days conscious I should say. Even in those three days, I could see the sparks. Just saying kid, if you ever need some advice or girl talk, you can talk to me."

She laughed. "Girl-talk, Varric?"

He grinned at me. "Hey, I know people. You just seem a little out of your element. I can give you some insight into the mind of a guy if you need me to."

She rested her head on her bent legs and cocked it to the side while she watched Varric build up the fire.

"I'm glad you're here Varric," she whispered loud enough for him to hear.

"Me too kid, me too."

They didn't come back to Haven until another three weeks. Leliana and Josephine bombarded them with messages almost immediately after they closed the last rift, suggesting points of interest about potential allies.

When they arrived back in Haven atop horses from Master Dennet, they must have looked like the most odd company. Blackwall, Vivienne, Sera, and Iron Bull were all atop horses with their things accompanying them. The soldiers that were practicing outside the gates all stopped to look, mostly at Iron Bull.

She saw him standing outside the gate, directing the horses and shouting orders to soldiers. He turned to look at them, at her. His eyes didn't float to any of her companions, old or new. She felt like her stomach was floating out of her chest when their eyes locked. She pulled her horse toward him.

"Nada-," he said while he opened up his hand to help her down from her horse.

"Cullen!" she said excitedly. Her hand grabbed his and she jumped down. His other hand was place lightly on her hip, automatically finding its place when she hurriedly jumped down. Before she even could think about what she was doing, she threw her arms around his neck. She stood on her tiptoes and his arms automatically circled her waist.

"It's so good to see you," she whispered in his ear. He tightened his hold on her.

"It's so good to see you too," he said turning his head near her. She could feel his breath on her ear.

Cullen then abruptly dropped his arms and took a step back. He rubbed his the back of his neck and averted his gaze from her.

"Um…I'm just going to uh…" He then grabbed the reins from her horse. "I'll put your horse up for you." He turned on his heels and walked her horse towards the corral.

_You're a fool Nadia. You jumped on him. You barely know the man. _

She felt someone hook arms with hers.

"O my dear," said Vivienne in her Orlesian accent. "Let's go put our things away and talk."

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_Thank you for the reviews, follows, and views of this little story._


	4. Chapter 4

_I do not own Dragon Age._

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**Chapter 4 **

She was different. Gone a little over a month, she had a different air about her. He liked it, a lot. She seemed more confident with herself and with the others. She teased them and laughed with them. What no one seemed to know before and what he was just beginning to learn, was how funny she was. Nadia was witty and smart, and she could go back and forth with Varric with ease. He was jealous of all of them. They were able to get to know her, to be around her, to see her fight, and bond with her.

Even the aloof Solas seemed to have formed a relationship with her. Cullen's first worry was that their time together would push the two elves into a more romantic relationship. But Cullen was able to see that the older elf held almost a brotherly affection for the Herald. Affection was all anybody seemed to have for her. It was amazing in the short amount of time how she had won them all over. She wasn't loud or fond of grand speeches to gain favor. She did it in the small things. She asked about their families and questioned them about their lives. She discussed what books they like and asked them to teach her things. She seemed to have a childlike curiosity that was never sated and it was infectious for everyone.

She was sitting in between Vivienne and Leliana, and they were giggling. He was worried about Varric declaring that they were going to have a party at the tavern tonight. He normally didn't interact socially, at least not with alcohol with his troops. But Varric insisted. The little dwarf could be persistent. Everyone was here surprisingly. Even Cassandra, who seemed more serious than him, was nursing a mead and talking quietly to Josephine.

Cullen sat next to Blackwall. He liked the Warden. He didn't mince words and was not one for flowerily rhetoric. They got along well. Blackwell got up to get him and Cullen another glass. He looked up from the table and his eyes met Nadia's. She smiled at him and her dimples stood out on her tanned skin. He smiled back, it was impossible not to. He had already acted a fool in front of her earlier today when he practically threw her off of him. It was the most natural thing in the world to hug her when she returned. But he got nervous and was worried about her intentions and what she wanted. He felt like an insecure schoolboy. She kept smiling at him and slowly got up from the table and started walking towards him. She came around the table and sat next to him on the bench. Their arms were touching and he could feel her foot just lightly touching his under the table.

"Are you having fun Commander?" She was drunk. He could see that in her glassy emerald eyes. He chuckled.

"Yes Herald, I am having fun. And you look like you are having fun as well."

"Ha- well I don't really drink. I mean I have before but not this stuff. It's good. Like real good. Iron Bull keeps calling me a lightweight." Her brow furrowed and he wanted to kiss the frown away.

He laughed lightly. He leaned conspiratorially towards her. "Forgive me, Nadia. But I think Iron Bull is right."

"I am not!" she cried and pushed his arm lightly. She didn't pull her hand away. She started playing with the edge of his coat with her fingers.

"I've watched you all night Herald. You've had one and a half glasses of this delicious ale, which forgive me, doesn't necessarily have that much alcohol actually in it. You're a lightweight. But that's really not your fault. You don't drink and you barely weigh anything." He took a sip of his drink and finished it. Nadia playing with his coat was distracting. She was sitting so close to him.

"You've been watching me?" she said slowly looking up at him with her large doe eyes.

His face reddened and she giggled at his discomfort. He looked down at her. "It's hard not to," he murmured. He averted his gaze from hers; afraid he was being to forward.

She leaned her head gently against his upper arm. Whether she was meaning for him to hear or not he heard a whispered, "I've been watching you too."

At that moment Blackwall appeared with more ale and Cullen gratefully took a large gulp. Nadia lifted her head and shifted back to her original position but she made no move to leave the table. She immediately greeted Blackwall and began to talk about an episode in Val Royeax where Blackwall offended some idiotic Orlesian noble

Nadia didn't leave his side for the rest of the night and he made no move to get up from his spot. If anyone noticed their close proximity, no one made a remark other than a sly wink from Leliana before she left the tavern. Normally he would have checked out much sooner, but he soon found himself one of the last in the tavern besides some soldiers who had passed out on the corner, Sera who was laying on top of a table singing to herself, and the Iron Bull and Varric sitting across from him and Nadia.

The Bull and Varric together were a sight to see. Both drunk beyond measure, they fed off each other with storytelling and trying to out-drink the other.

Nadia's eyes were starting to droop and she even was leaning up against him. She looked up at him. "I'm sleepy."

"I can walk you to your room if you like," he said.

She nodded slowly and started to get up and walk towards the door.

"Gentlemen, goodnight," he said to Varric and Bull. Both looked at him then looked at Nadia by the door and then again looked at Cullen.

"Commander Curly, be good to her," Varric slurred.

Bull laughed and Cullen started to walk out the tavern. It was lightly snowing outside and Nadia started walking when Cullen came out the door. She wasn't stumbling necessarily, but she swayed from side to side while singing a song he had never heard before. He had never heard her sing, but she had a lovely voice.

"Is that a Dalish song?" he asked. She turned around and hooked her arm with his.

"Yup yup. It's what my brother and I would sing when we were little."

"You have a brother?"

"Yes, he's three years younger than me. His name is Kaden." He looked down at her. She looked sad, the alcohol probably not helping her mood.

"Have you spoken to him?"

"I've sent them a few letters, but got nothing back. I asked Leliana to check for me to make sure they are all right."

"I'm sorry Nadia."

"No! I mean, tonight was fun. I can't be sad. C'mon." She grabbed his hand and started to pull him into her house. He suddenly got very nervous.

"Um…uhh Nadia I don't think I should…"

"Yes, please. C'mon. I got you something. Err…well I guess I made it."

She brought him in the room and shut the door and then went over to her desk. She opened a black leather bound book, but he saw it contained drawing paper.

"Here." She handed him a sheet. It was a drawing of a village with a forested landscape around it. The sun was poking out from the horizon of hills and mountains. It was colorful and there was something more than picturesque. It was hopeful.

"I know I've never been to Honnleath but you described it a little to me once and then when we were in Val Royeaux I bought some drawing supplies, and then I looked at one of the libraries and looked at some other drawings of it, and then I talked to Varric and he's been there so he gave me some descriptions...Sorry I'm rambling. I promise I'm never drinking again," she laughed nervously. "Do you…do you like it?"

He kept staring at the picture. It was perfect. She was perfect.

"I uh…didn't know you could draw."

_Fuck, Cullen. Tell her you like it. _

"I mean I'm not an Orlesian artist or anything. I just do it in my spare time and well…I thought…um well I just thought you might like it. You can tell me if it's bad, it's okay."

"NO! Nadia, I love it. I'm sorry…I'm just…No one has ever done anything like this for me before. Thank you. I love it." He grinned at her. She smiled back and then looked down.

"Good. I'm glad you liked it."

He decided to throw away caution and he pulled her in close to him. Her arms circled his waist under his jacket and she buried her face into his chest. He didn't remember how long they embraced. Not long enough for his liking. They eventually parted but he kept his hands on her waist.

"I'm so glad you are back. Thank you for the drawing." He leaned forward and lightly kissed her forehead. His smirked when he could feel her breathe hitch. He stroked her cheekbone with his thumb.

"Goodnight, Nadia."

"Goodnight, Cullen."

He slept peacefully, with no nightmares. And when he woke up the next morning the first thing he saw was the drawing tacked on his wall.

* * *

_Thank you to all that have followed/favorite this little story. It means the world to me that I know you are reading. I think I will have a couple more chapters in Haven before I move the story along to Skyhold (meaning Cullen and Nadia will finally start getting a little more physical, thank god). Good luck to all those starting a new semester of school. This story will be my only refuge from the hell that is law school. _

_Until next time._


	5. Chapter 5

_So...It's been a while. Quite a long while. A lot has happened but I think I'm finally getting back into my creative place. So here goes the next chapter.  
_

* * *

**Chapter 5 **

In a perfect world, your family would never be disappointed in you. If you went your own path in the world, they wouldn't disown you. They might fret and worry about if you were making the right decisions, but they wouldn't abandon you. In a normal world you weren't the supposed Herald of Andraste.

She finally got a letter back from her family. It was brief and while she hoped for responses from her brother and mother, the only correspondent was her father. In the back of her mind, she knew this could have been the expected outcome. Banishment. She had prayed to both the Elven gods and the Maker that this wouldn't be the outcome. But her worst fears were confirmed. Her father's letter was to the point. You have abandoned the Dalish way. If you don't come back immediately, you will be a stranger to your family. You will not be welcome back.

She never considered leaving the Inquisition. Her heart and her passion were here. Whatever god there was, she was marked. She alone had the power to protect the people of Thedas that were in danger. She didn't relish the power. She had never been one to be in the spotlight. That was Kaden. He was always able to lead and gather other children when they were younger to help him in whatever scheme he was planning. He had a confidence about him that never came off as snobbish but comforting. You wanted him to lead. Nadia had always preferred to be in the shadows. She wasn't a spy like Leliana however. She lacked the subtle art of manipulating her face and emotions to only show what she needed other people to see. She was expressive and brash, and Josie more than once had to remind her to be a bit more graceful when talking with guests. Slowly, she was making some progress.

A tiny snowflake landed on her nose. They hadn't seen a true blizzard in Haven yet, but everyone knew the real winter was coming. She was lying in the field across from Haven and the frozen lake. Childishly, she moved her arms and legs to make a snow angel.

"Well this is certainly a sight to see."

She stopped moving immediately. Her stomach dropped.

_Of course, the Commander gets to me acting like a five-year old._

They hadn't talked much since the night she got completely wasted. Shortly after that night, she headed with Solas, Blackwall, and Iron Bull to tread through the hell that was the Fallow Mire. They had wandered almost endlessly through the muck and rain, closing rifts, waking up the dead, and finally rescuing their captured troops from the Avvar. When she left for the Fallow Mire she was sent off by all of her advisors, so her farewell to Cullen was nothing more then a small smile. Since she got back two days ago, they had seen little of each other besides in the war room. Every time she saw him outside the gates, he seemed engrossed in training the soldiers. While she knew the Commander took the training seriously and with the utmost care, it had seem that he had grown even more intense in their training. While always fair, he was tough with his troops and she admired him for it. While he could be stern and direct when instructing them, she had seen the softer side of the Commander. He would take the time to walk with the recruits that were having trouble adjusting, talking with them about their families or loved ones. He made sure to ask if they needed anything from repairs to their swords to more parchment to write letters.

"Um…I'm so sorry Commander…this is really embarrassing." She lowered her head so her hair billowed around her face, hiding her reaction.

"Don't be embarrassed. Leliana told me you had wondered out here. It's a good place to think," he said. He looked out across the lake back to Haven. Varric was right. That jawline could cut glass.

"Would you like to sit down Commander?"

"Sure. Thank you." He still had his full armor on. She knew he wore it to always be ready. Cullen was always prepared for everything. He was a master in the war room. He listened to what Josie and Leliana had to say but also gave advice that never came off as overbearing. He had been crucial for Nadia to be able to understand everything and everyone that they were dealing with.

To her surprise, instead of sitting up on the ground like her, he lowered himself to lie flat on the ground, looking up at the sky and closed his eyes. She followed suit.

"Are you back to calling me Commander now?" he murmured.

She looked at him, squinting a little from the bright sun. "Do you want me to call you Cullen?"

"Have I given you a reason that I wouldn't want you to call me that?"

"No…but you're so…you're the epitome of gallant and chivalrous knight, I wouldn't want to overstep."

He grinned. "You need to get to know me better Nadia, or else you wouldn't think so highly of me."

"I find that hard to believe," she said slyly.

He chuckled. She went back to lying on her back, watching the clouds soundlessly crash into each other.

"Leliana told me about the letter from your family," he said softly.

Of course Leliana knew about the letter. Her many pair of eyes never missed anything.

"What else did Leliana say?"

"Just that…it probably wasn't the most considerate letter."

"Considerate? Cullen, c'mon. You know what it said. They don't want me to come back. Not that I really had time to take a visit."

"I'm sorry," he said, his eyes on her.

She sat up to look at him. She didn't want him to pity her. She already felt inadequate in front of everyone. All her companions were older than her and been apart of things and had seen more than their homeland. They had experienced death and love and had fought in wars. The only reason she could be considered in this group was because of the mark on her hand.

"Don't be. I knew this was a possibility when I chose to stay."

"You don't always have to put on this brave face."

"What are you talking about? Brave face? Cullen, can we just be real right now? We are in a life or death situation. There is a hole in the fucking sky, and we don't really know how to close it or who opened it. I hopefully have the ability to close it, and there is no guarantee in that. And my family disowned me because I left and didn't come back. I'm a mess. I feel like all I do is either complain to you or someone else. I'm not putting on a brave face, I'm freaking the fuck out."

She turned to look at him. He was smiling.

"Why are you smiling? Stop smiling." He then started laughing.

"Cullen this isn't funny. Stop fucking smiling." She was throwing a tantrum like a child so she decided to do what a child would do and grabbed a handful of snow and threw it in his face. He stopped laughing. The snow dripped off his face and he slowly wiped it off.

She then started laughing, one of those deep laughs that comes from you're belly and for a while she couldn't stop laughing. What a sight to see, the Commander of the Inquisition shaking his head like a wet dog to get the snow off of him.

She managed to stop laughing a few moments later. "I'm sorry."

He wiped his face off again and smoothed back his hair.

"No you're not, but it's okay. I was smiling because you finally started to show some emotion. We were all beginning you could be a Tranquil or something." He smirked at me.

"What do you mean finally show some emotion?"

"Well… Cassandra has been watching you and she tells me some things. She says you rarely tell anybody about yourself or talk about you're problems. She says you just patiently listen to Varric while he tells you all of his new ideas for his crazy books. You some how understand Sera and are able to calm her down when she starts getting out of hand. You listen to Solas, who no offense to him he tends to drone about. It's always everyone else's problems, never yours."

"You and Cassandra talk about me?" she said a little bit flirtatiously, but to her disappointment he didn't take the bait.

"You're avoiding the topic," he said knowingly.

"It's just the way I was raised Cullen. There wasn't any time really to discuss how you were feeling. We weren't exactly Orlisian nobles, we had to worry about food and supplies and medicine and everyone had to pull their weight."

He nodded slowly and paused before he said anything.

"I don't want to make you feel like anything is wrong, just know…just know that all of us are here, myself included, are here for you if you are feeling overwhelmed. I know we are you're advisors, but we can also be your friends."

She was afraid to look up from hands. She could feel his eyes on her, and she didn't know if she could handle the emotion that was there.

She took a deep breath. "I knew this was most likely what was going to happen. I left my family and I'm not going back in the foreseeable future. While I didn't choose to have this mark on my hand, I know what I can do. I have the power to help. I wrote to my father and tried to explain as much as I could. But… we don't believe in Andraste. My father thinks I'm not only leaving my family, but abandoning my faith."

"Do you believe that?"

"I know you're devout. And with the availability of some books on the Chantry and other religious texts I have read here, I…I don't know what to believe anymore."

"Did your father say anything else?"

"Not much, other than you're really not welcome back."

"What about your mother? Kaden?"

"No word from either I'm afraid. I should have expected that too, although it still hurts. I would really like to hear from both of them. I might ask Leliana to get a letter to my brother, without my father seeing it."

"I'm sure she would be happy to oblige."

She laid back down and closed her eyes, trying to ease her mind of all of her worries. Another snowflake fell gently on her forehead.

"You're not alone Nadia, remember that." She couldn't describe what those words from him meant to her.

"Thank you, Cullen."


End file.
